When your bumpin’ and you know it…but no one else does.
I’ve been pregnant for a while now (ok, 5 months) and the idea has totally set in. I just exist as a larger, more tired, hungrier version of myself. However, I didn’t start ‘showing’ until about 17 weeks (little over 4 months). Even now when I’m wearing certain clothes (2 out of the 4 items currently in my wardrobe; a rant to come on horrible maternity clothing), it just looks like I overindulged at lunch (which is probably true).
I have actually received comments about how I don’t look as pregnant as I should. Should?! Uh oh…unfortunate verbiage to use when talking to a pregnant woman…
Besides the comments, I find myself actually trying to wear items that accentuate my ‘bump’ so that people notice. Why? Because while I fully know and have excused myself for slacking on my fitness (also, back surgery…), being a little less productive, and a little more cranky, the rest of the world hasn’t. Because they don’t know.
Why would this bother me?
It shouldn’t, but it does. Here is why: how many times have I read that pregnant women are ‘allowed’ to gain weight, or generally slack-off? Many. I’d like to know about this higher power is that is not ‘allowing’ non-pregnant women to gain weight and slack off sometimes. If it is literally just media and tabloids, excuse me while I move out of the country.
I don’t show, so they don’t know.
A time WILL come (soon) when I will look back to this post and cry because I have then reached the relative size of a cottage. I also imagine a time will come when I look back to this post, and others, and despair that I had these feelings of self-doubt and shame because my community was not yet entirely aware of my ‘free pass to slack off and gain weight.’ Like really, what an absurd notion.
I guess without all the drivel about shame, weight, and the ‘appropriate size’ a pregnant woman should be, keeping a secret was just hard for the first few months. I’m ready for my secret to be known without having to announce it over and over.
Until next time,