Good morning everyone!
We all have stressors. Sometimes the stress is manageable, sometimes it builds up and you feel like you might explode. You completely give up and hide from the world in a sea of pillows and blankets (super effective technique, by the way).
Sometimes we are more able to deal with the stress, even if the stressors are adding up. Sometimes, when things are going relatively smoothly and your stressors are receding, you feel even more stressed! Why? Well, I believe that it has less to do with the stressors in your life, and everything to do with how you develop yourself to be physically and emotionally strong enough to deal with the difficulties of…well, life.
I have stressors right now, and while I do feel stressed out at times, I also feel happy, confident, and optimistic. Why, though?
- I am devoid of my normal fitness routine which is usually the thing that keeps me sane and releases stress.
- I am recovering from back surgery, which limits my daily activities, and I am terrified I will re-injure myself.
- I am pregnant, literally growing another human, and unsure of what is in store for me (to be fair I am also very excited).
- Unable to do my usual work [for the time being], which is mainly physical [bartending, instructing Pilates] I am quickly running out of financial means, which is a HUGE stressor, I’d say for everyone.
- I am recovering from a business venture in which my input was completely unheard and I was made to feel unintelligent, inadequate, and unimportant.
- I am doing my best to support my friends who have experienced major trauma in the past few months, while trying to descreetly address the many responsibilities I have to my [pregnant, struggling to start a business, broke] self, so I can be strong for them. Without sounding like a martyr…
- I am juggling a few smaller jobs while trying to break out into the entrepreneurial pursuits I envision for myself.
From the outside it looks like I am just hanging out, screwing around on the computer, even though I have all of these things going on. The reality is that I have no time to breathe and no space to think about myself. If I stop for a moment and consider my own needs I feel panicked. Why? Because in some ways I too feel as though my responsibilities are less important than other people’s, and I push myself to work, work, work. Because of the type of work I am doing now, there is no ‘done’ or ‘good enough.’ I am never done for the day, because I am the only one who decides when that is, and I will never settle for ‘good enough.’
So why am I not stressed out? Reading that last paragraph, it definitely sounds like I am stressed out and I would have every reason to be…But I feel happy.
I don’t care about the weight gain, I am actually happy about my new [preggo] body.
I like to be able to be strong for the people who need me.
I love being able to do things exactly my way, have no one to hold me responsible except myself, and look back and feel proud of what I have learned and accomplished.
For some reason I don’t care about being more broke than I have every been in my adult life….inconveniently coinciding with bringing a new life into the world, which I hear requires lots of expensive things…
Maybe because of the trauma from my back injury I feel more able to cope with things. Along with the huge vulnerability of incurring an injury, comes a huge amount of resilience. Understanding how vulnerable I am has actually helped me become stronger.
Maybe the thought of becoming a mother puts things into perspective; you had better be able to take care of one body, because you will shortly be taking care of two.
Although stress comes in waves and I’m sure it will build up inside me to the point that I, once again, am hiding from the world surrounded by pillows and blankets, right now I can look past it.
I can look past it because I am choosing to focus only on the things I can control. Work hard to right the things you are able to, and the rest will pass. Hopefully.
Until next time…