Adapting to pregnancy: Things I look forward to about not being pregnant

Here I sit, 35 weeks pregnant, and the days are flying by. I am patiently waiting for the period in which, according to many ‘helpful’ individuals, time stops and you feel as though you have been pregnant for 5 years. Thank you for the helpful advice *eye roll* but so far I feel as if I’m scrambling to get all my various projects in done and all my baby preparations… prepared. And yes, maybe these projects include frantically reorganizing the contents of the cabinet under the kitchen sink and washing all the curtains in the house. Have I already completed 75% of my Christmas shopping?

Yes, yes I have. *applause* *takes bow* Thank you.

In regards to my pregnant body, let’s just say I’ve adjusted. This isn’t something that just happened over night (technically, it is). Pregnancy is a 10 (TEN) month process, I don’t really miss seeing my feet because I don’t remember what they look like. I have been learning that many women say their bodies feel ‘alien’ after you give birth. I totally get this. At this point I am used to my reflection, but the constantly rocking, rolling, hiccuping, wiggling orb that is my torso is my companion. It keeps me company. Sometimes I forget there’s a baby in there.

Just to put this out there really quick because I know I have to, I do feel very lucky because I still feel as good as I do. I know there are MANY women who go through hell for their entire pregnancies. 

So what am I really looking forward to at the end of this?

  1. Being a little more selfish. I am so looking forward to making unhealthy choices and being the only one who suffers the consequences. Examples? Putting stevia in my coffee, drinking more coffee, deli meat, (I would put sushi here but the thought of raw fish makes me very uncomfortable now). Again, these are small sacrifices to make, it’s just going to be so nice when the day comes that I don’t have to wonder if my herbal tea is contraindicated. In these instances, I usually say forget it and have a glass of water.
  2. Sleeping on my back. Fortunately I don’t mind sleeping on my side, I just don’t want to do it every night, and I like sleeping on my back more. I crave the back-sleep.
  3. Really ridiculous hot showers and hot tubbing. Again, fortunately for me I don’t like baths. I know some women who would have put their nightly epsom salt bath at the top of this lis. I am not one of them; baths make me sweaty and claustrophobic. That being said, theres nothing like a scalding shower on a chilly night.
  4. Abdominal workouts. The workouts I am doing now just feel a little sad. Of course, working out is a little more complicated due to my recent back surgery. I just can’t wait to be in shape again.

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There are a few things I would have added to this list much earlier on in pregnancy. The first (duh) booze. As it turns out, a soon-to-be mom with hopes of exclusively breastfeeding may have a rude awakening if she believes she can immediately return to her pre pregnancy drinking habits. Yes, there are methods around this. However, before and possibly still after, a milk supply is established, the thought of dumping my baby’s only sustenance down the drain in exchange for a glass of wine sounds completely insane. If there is a surplus of milk down the line that’s another story, but for now I could care less about drinking.

One more thing I would also add – I am so anxious to get back to work. I am not adding these things to the list for two reasons. The first reason is that when I have an infant at home I doubt I’ll want to do anything that takes me away from him. The second reason; I wished at first to have my life back. Well, that life is gone. Faced with this new life, I don’t think I want the old one back. Do I want to go back to work? Yes. Do I want things to be the same? It would be unfortunate if I did.

So tell me, what did you/do you miss the most about your non-pregnant self? Did you miss being pregnant (I’ve heard it’s a thing)?

❤ Cammy

 

Third-trimester

Good Morning Readers,

My third-trimester snuck up on me at some point in the last couple of weeks, and now everything is happening at once. It has been more than a month since my last post. Right around the time I was starting to think, “Hey, this really isn’t that bad!” By ‘this,’ of course,  I am referring to the kicking, hiccuping, body hijacking tiny human who punches my ribs and makes my hips ache all night long, who also seems to be growing about .5lbs a day.

It’s amazing how everything they say is going to happen in the third trimester, happens. To be fair, there is a lot of data to derive all the estimates from [hehe]. Your baby will hiccup, they say, and he does! You will start getting more fatigued –  I can complete about two hours of productivity at a time before fatigue and aches force me to stop. I feel lazy and constantly exhausted. Your baby will quadruple in size…we won’t get into the struggles of the closet… Trying on dress after shirt, forget the pants, that fit me just days ago, only to find my shirts are now basically girdles and dresses have risen to an immodest level of shortness. My maternity clothes are tight. What? 

But it’s all fine, it’s supposed to happen this way. I’m too excited about the result to care about the process.

On the days in which I manage a small amount of human interaction, I find myself flipping between two basic mindsets. The first goes something like, “Really? You want me to DO something? You expect things of me? You realize I can’t breathe for 5 minutes after walking up a single flight of stairs, right?” The other is, “Oh, it’s really nice that you don’t think I can perform the simplest of motor functions! However, unless you’re offering to come home with me, I will be carrying the laundry upstairs and bringing the groceries in the house.” 

In general, people have been very sweet, have only said “congratulations” and “what are you having?” So far I have not been scowled at in line at Starbucks or received any unsolicited remarks *knocks on wood*.

I had gotten used to the mindset that this journey was a very, very long one – the end really nowhere in sight. But all of a sudden the end is in sight and I get to start thinking about what comes next.

❤ Cammy

Martha’s Vineyard

Good Morning readers!

While taking a spontaneous trip to Martha’s Vineyard for a few days, I was really missing my old self more than ever. Our vacations usually go like this: Wake up, run/workout, eat, walk around, shop, eat, take a nap, hang out with a cocktail [by the pool/beach], walk around, eat, more cocktails, sleep, repeat. UGH doesn’t that sound HEAVENLY!? Well, maybe it’s not for everyone but in the Vineyard this is what you do unless you schedule one of those expensive, uncomfortable, and crowded  boat tours…

I’m a little limited in how much I can participate in these activities…mostly the working out/walking a lot/cocktailing. Instead it went something like this: Wake up, eat, walk around, sit. Shop, drive around, sit. Eat, take a nap. Go to the beach and sit. Eat, walk around, sit, eat dessert, sleep, repeat.

I sit and eat now. That is all. But I wont let myself feel down about it. I’m not setting higher expectations for myself, and I wont risk any more injury during this time.

I contented myself to sit on the beach and watch everyone else frolic, and I appreciated that I could at least be in such a beautiful place and enjoy life.

 

I know life will resume, and I am happy to practice patience for the time being.

 

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Cappuccino love

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Sunset
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Man with Dogs

 

Until next time!

❤ Cammy

Finding New Ways To Be Happy

Hello all,

A few thoughts on trying to find things that make you happy, when you can’t do the things that you normally would. 

Still in recovery from back surgery and I’m worried I haven’t been careful enough. I haven’t done strenuous things, mostly because I have no energy (this is why), but I have done things like carry the laundry up the stairs, and pick up a 30lb puppy. According to my doctor this is bad.

It is very difficult being so cautious all the time, especially when the pain is gone and I feel normal (weak, but normal). I mean, I can’t just stare at the laundry all day, hoping it carries itself up the stairs and puts itself away! As the symptoms have subsided, I have to constantly remind myself that although I may feel fine, my body is still healing.

For the past week I have had an aching pain down my leg, my hips are sore, and my back is stiff. I am terrified I did something to compromise the healing process. Most likely, my body is having a normal reaction to growing a human, but still…

 

What can I do to be happy, when I can’t do the things I used to?

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I have been out of my normal routine for almost 4 months now. You would think that I’d have adjusted to a new routine, forgotten the old one, and created new habits for myself. The truth is, the more time goes on the more desperate I am to revert back to the old me. I cannot wait for my body to heal, and to not be afraid that functioning normally in day-to-day life will send me into surgery again.

What was so special about my routine, that I am unable to do now?

  • My fitness regimen (working out at home, going to the gym, taking classes, teaching classes, running).
  • Eating healthier food
  • Chores! Laundry, gardening, putting things away, moving things around..
  • Work. being around people, having a steady income.

It doesn’t take much to make me happy! Really just the basics, I never thought I would miss the little things so much. It is so frustrating to not be able to do the simplest things.

So what do I do instead so I don’t dwell on what I can’t do?

  • Cooking
  • Blogging
  • Going to the beach
  • Hosting

These things keep me occupied for now, and they are all things I LOVE, but they’re only a piece. I feel incomplete without the other pieces, almost like I can only participate in half the activities that make me who I am.

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I accept it, though, and for now until I can be ME again, I will focus on delicious food  and the sound of the tide lapping on the beach.

Until next time,

 

❤ Cammy

Dealing with Stress

Good morning everyone!

We all have stressors. Sometimes the stress is manageable, sometimes it builds up and you feel like you might explode. You completely give up and hide from the world in a sea of pillows and blankets (super effective technique, by the way).

Sometimes we are more able to deal with the stress, even if the stressors are adding up. Sometimes, when things are going relatively smoothly and your stressors are receding, you feel even more stressed! Why? Well, I believe that it has less to do with the stressors in your life, and everything to do with how you develop yourself to be physically and emotionally strong enough to deal with the difficulties of…well, life.

I have stressors right now, and while I do feel stressed out at times, I also feel happy, confident, and optimistic. Why, though?

  • I am devoid of my normal fitness routine which is usually the thing that keeps me sane and releases stress.
  • I am recovering from back surgery, which limits my daily activities, and I am terrified I will re-injure myself.
  • I am pregnant, literally growing another human, and unsure of what is in store for me (to be fair I am also very excited).
  • Unable to do my usual work [for the time being], which is mainly physical [bartending, instructing Pilates] I am quickly running out of financial means, which is a HUGE stressor, I’d say for everyone.
  • I am recovering from a business venture in which my input was completely unheard and I was made to feel unintelligent, inadequate, and unimportant.
  • I am doing my best to support my friends who have experienced major trauma in the past few months, while trying to descreetly address the many responsibilities I have to my [pregnant, struggling to start a business, broke] self, so I can be strong for them. Without sounding like a martyr…
  • I am juggling a few smaller jobs while trying to break out into the entrepreneurial pursuits I envision for myself.

From the outside it looks like I am just hanging out, screwing around on the computer, even though I have all of these things going on. The reality is that I have no time to breathe and no space to think about myself. If I stop for a moment and consider my own needs I feel panicked. Why? Because in some ways I too feel as though my responsibilities are less important than other people’s, and I push myself to work, work, work. Because of the type of work I am doing now, there is no ‘done’ or ‘good enough.’ I am never done for the day, because I am the only one who decides when that is, and I will never settle for ‘good enough.’

So why am I not stressed out? Reading that last paragraph, it definitely sounds like I am stressed out and I would have every reason to be…But I feel happy.

I don’t care about the weight gain, I am actually happy about my new [preggo] body.

I like to be able to be strong for the people who need me.

I love being able to do things exactly my way, have no one to hold me responsible except myself, and look back and feel proud of what I have learned and accomplished.

For some reason I don’t care about being more broke than I have every been in my adult life….inconveniently coinciding with bringing a new life into the world, which I hear requires lots of expensive things…

Maybe because of the trauma from my back injury I feel more able to cope with things. Along with the huge vulnerability of incurring an injury, comes a huge amount of resilience. Understanding how vulnerable I am has actually helped me become stronger.

Maybe the thought of becoming a mother puts things into perspective; you had better be able to take care of one body, because you will shortly be taking care of two.

Although stress comes in waves and I’m sure it will build up inside me to the point that I, once again, am hiding from the world surrounded by pillows and blankets, right now I can look past it.

I can look past it because I am choosing to focus only on the things I can control. Work hard to right the things you are able to, and the rest will pass. Hopefully.

 

Until next time…

❤ Cammy

 

 

Fitness Routine Derailed, And Not By Choice

Good morning readers!

I have been out of my fitness routine for a long time now (going on 4 months). Back surgery, exhaustion from pregnancy, etc. have kept me from my normal routine, and I miss it! 

Ever since we got back from Costa Rica, it has been one thing after another. Because of the surgery I have not been given the “OK” to do much more than walk, and have been advised against lifting anything over 5 pounds. It’s actually hard to function on a daily basis with these limitations, much less follow any kind of fitness regimen. The novelty of being pregnant, as well as the pain and stiffness from surgery is wearing off now and I am becoming more aware of the large gaps in my schedule where I would be meal-prepping, going to the gym, working out in the living room, or going for jogs. Not to mention work! I’m not working right now (it’s hard to bartend when you can’t lift more than 5 lbs..), so I also have an extra 40+ hours to sit around and contemplate my new, extremely sedentary lifestyle.

 

Trying to stay healthy

Food..I can’t even describe my food problems right now. A long time ago I would spend the day cooking and have leftovers for the rest of the week (I freaking love meal prepping). Now the thought of eating something that I cooked yesterday is repulsive. Not to mention my taste buds seem to change hourly. A lot of the foods I have always loved (sweet potatoes!!) make me queasy just thinking about. For example, I’m a little queasy after writing that last sentence. Meal prepping is out of the question, as is having a normal ‘healthy’ diet. I know this sounds terrible, especially because it is beneficial for pregnant women to have a healthy diet (I’m still healthy!), but I’m just focused on finding foods that don’t make me sick. What else can ya’ do, really?

 

Still an ‘active chick,’ only way less active

These are all just huge changes for me. Diet and exercise have been a HUGE part of my identity for so long! It’s what I love and what makes me feel good. I was afraid I would be losing my ‘self’ because I couldn’t focus on either of them, but I’m learning that this is just not true. I’m still a healthy, active person. It is still part of who I am, simply because it is what I love.

While I have always loved working out, I have also been grateful for a break now and then, grateful enough to write about potential Fitness Derailment: What happens when you stop working out?  I literally want nothing more than to have my routine back. I miss my active self! I remember struggling through workout sessions, but I can’t imagine anything better right now.

I’ve been fearful that if I stop working out for a period of time I’ll lose the motivation to stay fit and active. Over the past few months that fear has gone away. Since I don’t even have the option to workout right now, I don’t have that ‘I’m feeling lazy and unmotivated’ feeling. I’m not afraid at all that I wont get back into my fitness routine, because I miss it so much! It is such a relief to learn that, even though it can be hard sometimes, the reason I started my fitness journey was because I truly love it and not because it was something I made myself do.

Everyone experiences hick-ups in their lifestyle at some point, and I will patiently wait for this phase to end, be as productive as possible in the ways I can, and enjoy all the things a more sedentary person enjoys as much as possible.

Craving an activity I was afraid was just a piece of my past is a really liberating experience. I feel more motivated than ever, and I can’t wait to start again.

 

Until next time,

 

❤ Cammy

 

 

 

Independence Day: Repurposed Tacos

Hi Readers!

A few days late, but that’s ok. My energy levels are at an all-time low; every time I do more than running a couple of errands in a day I need a day or two of recuperation.

Happy 4th!

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So what did I do that exhausted me so much? Clearly our day was pretty low-key. Well, made massive amounts of food, of course. At the end of our grilling extravaganza it looked like we had barely touched anything (there was actually a salad that no one had room for, and we didn’t even take it out).

The ‘Pudding’

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So I was super excited, of course, about eating leftover sausage, potato salad, pudding, coleslaw…

Come to find that I had eaten so much of it during the meal that the thought of any of these dishes was absolutely horrifying. Also the idea of leftovers is skeeving me out…Why? No idea. I love leftovers, or so I thought.

Side note, I’m entering a stage of pregnancy where I am always STARVING yet consistently repulsed by the texture, taste, and thought of most food groups. Finding something I can eat and somewhat enjoy is a serious win. More to come on this..

Introducing the repurposed 4th of July tacos!

  1. Hamburger patty (turned ground beef)
  2. Sautéed with peppers and onions (from the sausage)
  3. lettuce (from the burgers)
  4. Left over homemade pico de galo

 

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Going on three meals, going strong, but I predict that I will not eat tacos again for the next 5 months.

Until next time!

 

❤ Cammy

“Showing”

Hi Everyone!

As promised, I have a few ‘thoughts’ on the whole being pregnant thing I just can’t help but share.

When your bumpin’ and you know it…but no one else does.

I’ve been pregnant for a while now (ok, 5 months) and the idea has totally set in. I just exist as a larger, more tired, hungrier version of myself. However, I didn’t start ‘showing’ until about 17 weeks (little over 4 months). Even now when I’m wearing certain clothes (2 out of the 4 items currently in my wardrobe; a rant to come on horrible maternity clothing), it just looks like I overindulged at lunch (which is probably true).

I have actually received comments about how I don’t look as pregnant as I should. Should?! Uh oh…unfortunate verbiage to use when talking to a pregnant woman…

Besides the comments, I find myself actually trying to wear items that accentuate my ‘bump’ so that people notice. Why? Because while I fully know and have excused myself for slacking on my fitness (also, back surgery…), being a little less productive, and a little more cranky, the rest of the world hasn’t. Because they don’t know.

Why would this bother me?

It shouldn’t, but it does. Here is why: how many times have I read that pregnant women are ‘allowed’ to gain weight, or generally slack-off? Many. I’d like to know about this higher power is that is not ‘allowing’ non-pregnant women to gain weight and slack off sometimes. If it is literally just media and tabloids, excuse me while I move out of the country.

I don’t show, so they don’t know.

A time WILL come (soon) when I will look back to this post and cry because I have then reached the relative size of a cottage. I also imagine a time will come when I look back to this post, and others, and despair that I had these feelings of self-doubt and shame because my community was not yet entirely aware of my ‘free pass to slack off and gain weight.’ Like really, what an absurd notion.

I guess without all the drivel about shame, weight, and the ‘appropriate size’ a pregnant woman should be, keeping a secret was just hard for the first few months. I’m ready for my secret to be known without having to announce it over and over.

Until next time,

 

❤ Cammy

 

 

 

 

 

 

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